1.The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

2.Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

3.There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

4.It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

5.When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

6.You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!

7."Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

8.Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

9.Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

10.If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

11.The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

12.When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

13.A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

14.Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid

15.I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!

16.Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from

17.The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

18.What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

19.Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

20.I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

21.Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin

22."Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams

23.He who laughs last didn't get it.

24.After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

25.Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

26.Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

27.If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

28.Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

29.Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!

30.whoever said anything is possible,never tried slamming a revolvong door.